Reflections…..Lessons Learned On The Road To Christmas

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Emerging from Thanksgiving holiday with an expanded waist line and a heart full of gratitude I look toward the Christmas Holidays with excitement.  Several years ago I found that I was succumbing to the busyness of purchasing presents, planning travel, … Continue reading

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Reflections………………Going Home

Thanksgiving morning meant only one thing for this young boy of 14. Today I go rabbit hunting with my dad, brothers and other relatives. Equipped with my single barrel 410 shotgun I was prepared to be a ‘man’.  One of the things I learned  about hunting early on was as everyone else listened and followed the barking, known as the chase, if I would stay back in the vicinity of where the rabbit was bedding before we ‘jumped’ it up, it would make a large circle and start back toward its home where I’d be waiting.  On more than one occasion this proved to be a successful tactic.   This lesson is true in many areas beside rabbit hunting.

If you stop and ponder the situation, animals invariably have a desire to go home. The most famous of stories is of Lassie returning home. A trip that took several days. The most pronounced exhibition of this phenomena is that of the Salmon.

Salmon babies, known as “fry”, hatch out in lovely flowing fresh streams of water. They have plenty to eat and a safe place to live. Then they leave (sound familiar). They travel downstream to escape this nice, safe habitat, so they might merge into larger streams, rushing mighty rivers, and ultimately into the vast ocean. It is here they are transformed into a salt water salmon. (what a metaphor).  “And then they “go home.” They journey through the ocean,  back into the fresh water rivers, navigate through locks and dams, bears and eagles and eager fishermen, and finally make it back home, to the place they were born and nurtured.

Thanksgiving arrives this Thursday. Our annual Thanksgiving holiday may be our most prophetic of all holidays. Like the salmon, I have a burning desire to “go home.”  We embrace every part of our family heritage. We join together and become greater.  We are individuals with  a vital future found in the company of others. Why? Because we return to our roots even as we are looking towards the future.

It is so easy to look beyond Thanksgiving. The “gathering together” for a bit of family time at Thanksgiving has now become a “staging time”,  a foray into the shopping malls and big box outlets with an activity classified as “Black Friday.” After years of consciously trying not to ‘intrude’ on the sacred “family holiday” of Thanksgiving, retailers have now decided that “Black Friday” can legitimately begin before the turkey gets cold on Thanksgiving Thursday.

So what is Thanksgiving about in 2018? Living in a fast food nation and a “take out” culture it is the one day when we remember old recipes, when we literally and intentionally “taste” our past and let the food tell the story.  As the Coker family gather together we will be looking back at family and traditions and looking around the table at ones we love. It is our goal that Thanksgiving will bring out of each of us not a thankfulness for ‘things, but rather, an awareness that Thanksgiving is not about where we are, what we are eating, or what our shopping strategy is for Friday. Thanksgiving must be rooted in a thankfulness for relationships we have been given and the warmth that only comes in Going Home.

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My eighth grade science teacher, Mrs. Gladys Sigman, established early in our science class, “If you make a declarative statement, you must have evidence to prove that statement.” The same axiom was seen as the local farmers and workmen gathered in Brown’s general mercantile store when they would call someone down when there was doubt in what was being said, “you’re just blowing smoke,” or if it really was blowing smoke and there was no evidence to substantiate the comment it was not unusual to hear, ‘that’s a bunch of b—s—.” During my graduate studies at Western Michigan University, Professor Donald Blash returned my research paper with comments written in bold red letters, “there is no empirical evidence to prove your hypothesis!”

Eighth graders understood the premise, the local farmers understood the premise and certainly I understand it too. I need some help! If this group of diverse individuals from a wide cross section of the culture have no problem understanding “you must have evidence to prove your declaration,” how is it the most educated people in our country, individuals chosen to be our leaders and given the responsibility to make laws that govern our very existence do not understand the premise that every eighth grader in the United States understands?

I have long considered myself to be pragmatic and not driven by political parties. After carefully weighing the principles involved I cast my vote accordingly. I always try to weigh everything through the filter of Holy Scriptures. However, as I find myself getting more involved, hopefully from a pragmatic viewpoint, I find myself trying  to figure out “Why?”  I like what Tim Keller, noted Presbyterian pastor, said in the New York Times: “Christians cannot pretend they can transcend politics. Those who avoid all political discussions and engagement are essentially casting a vote for social status quo. …to not be political is to be political.”

The great thing in this world is not so much where you stand, as in what direction you are moving.’

                                                        —-OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES

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Reflections……………………..Back in time to 59

The room was ablaze with school colors. Bright red and black table cloths adorned with beautiful white mums created a festive atmosphere. At one end of the room was stacked yearbooks with specific notations to the various class members. The background music was ‘love songs, punctuated with ‘rock and roll.’ Yes, tonight was the class reunion of the class of 1959. It was number 59.

As the class members entered the large room it was evident their vision was not as keen as it once was. Their hearing not as acute. Their step was guarded. However, the smile on their face was reminiscent of a night at the ‘sock hop’. Broad smiles and gentle laughter marked the beginning of a night to remember. This is the generation when ‘the Platters’ were the number one singing group and their song ‘Only You’ brought back thoughts of holding that someone special as you danced to their music.

A game of trivia with questions covering events in 1959 brought rounds of laughter and an occasional ‘you got to be kidding.’

At our previous reunions discussions centered around success as measured by occupations, children, grandchildren, where you lived. This time the talk centered not on material successes but on recognizing people for who they are, the sacrifices they had made and the services they had rendered. It was refreshing to have moved from a World’s model which measures value in terms of wealth, fame and power to a model which measures value in who you are.

We had to have an earlier departure than at our previous reunions where we stayed until the late hours. After all, we had to get home before dark.

Old Friendship

Beautiful and rich is an old friendship

Grateful to the touch as ancient ivory.

Smooth as aged wine, or sheen of tapestry

Where light has lingered, intimate and long.

Full of tears and warm is an old friendship

That asks no longer deeds of gallantry.

Or any deed at all—save that the friendship

shall be

Alive and breathing somewhere, like a


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I watched as the young men came into the gymnasium for the beginning of a new athletic season. They were healthy, full of energy with an attitude of excitement. Each of these men were given a notebook which they fondly referred to as the “bible.” Within the content of this notebook was the offense and defense the team would be playing for the coming year. It was filled with every conceivable behavior that could occur on a football field.

During the next three weeks, the players met with coaches executing the plays listed in the playbook. Coaches were quick to make corrections when a play was not performed in the manner listed. In addition to meeting twice a day on the athletic field, there were numerous ‘skull’ seasons where the mental aspects of the game were discussed and discussed.

The first game was between two strong teams, and early in the game one of the players shoved another player from the opposing team in the back resulting in a penalty for ‘unnecessary roughness.’ The penalty gave the opposing team a first down which eventually lead to a score. The Head coach was livid. He did not call the other coaches for a conference. He did not tell the player to meet him in his office on Monday. He did not put his arm around him and assure him everything was okay. He did not send him to a safe place to ‘think about it’. None of these responses were present. What was present was a direct discussion with a correctional attitude and rebuke, “That’s not who we are!! We don’t do that.” The player was removed immediately and a substitute took his place. His offense? He had violated the rules of the book. The ethics of the game as outlined had been practiced numerous hours and days before this first encounter. Discipline was quick and meaningful with a direct reference point for correction.

The aforementioned scenario is not isolated and is just a point of reference. The incident outlined is not hypothetical, it is real and was televised nationally. The team and coach happens to be the team with the most wins in the history of football and is presently ranked number one in the nation. Think about it.

When a child is born they begin their first practice the day they are brought home. Their coach and most important teacher is their parent. Their pre-season lasts for 18 years or until they depart their home for their first game in the game of life. What happens in these first 18 years is determined by their coach/teacher/parent.

Like all good coaches, the parent needs a game plan which is implemented on a daily, weekly, monthly, yearly basis. The fundamentals of the game plan is taught, practiced and carried forth in preparation for their first big game. Like the coach in a football game, the parent must choose a course of action, if not, the culture or someone else will train your child. Parents may embrace a plan that seeks the greatest good for the largest number of people. This plan would be a utilitarian approach. Another option  is what I refer to as egoism. I am sure you have seen this ethical approach. It is based upon the children being in charge with everything revolving around the “I” concept. A frequent approach in our society and a more liberal approach to the game plan would be an offensive strategy embracing the concept of no right or wrong. What is right for you is right for you. And, what is right for me is right for me. This approach is called situational ethics.

By far the best strategy for young children is ethics based upon virtue. Theories based upon virtue emphasize not whether specific actions are right or wrong, but the moral character of the individual. Right and wrong behavior are the by-product of moral character. Many times this approach is referred to as Christian ethics. It truly uses the authentic Bible to ascertain what God would have us do. Right and wrong are clearly defined, and like the coach before the season begins, the parent must clearly define the learning, and, in the same manner the athletes call their play book “the bible”, our play book should be the Bible where right and wrong are clearly defined and should be taught, practiced and implemented.

The big day has finally arrived. Your child has graduated from high school and plans his/her departure from you home. What will they be doing?? They will be doing what you have taught them. What will happen when they are challenged in the college classroom, on the job or by friends. Their response will be in accordance with the ethical game plan you have taught them. One thing for sure, you cannot go with them. There is only one ethical approach that allows your child to have someone with them. The Master Teacher will walk beside them everyday and they will never walk alone.

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I stood on the advanced tees at the golf tournament saying to myself, “I don’t believe I am supposed to be hitting from these tees. They are for ‘old’ people. You had to be 70 years old to hit from the forward tees. You were classified as a ‘super senior.’ I was 73 at the time and for three years I had pushed to the back of my mine the fact I was not a ‘super’ senior. Turning 70 was rifted with emotional landmines. All this hullabaloo about aging gracefully was ‘for the birds.’ “I’ll show them!” Off to the gym on a regular regime, eating all that healthy food and oh! yes, a little aging cream to make my eyes look normal. I didn’t have an aging problem. I had an attitude problem. I had to accept the inevitable changes of aging rather than seeing them as a crisis. Aging changes everyone.

The realization of the my attitude came to me as I sat in a restaurant when in came several “blue-haired” ladies with red hats on their heads. For the next 45 minutes I observed some of the happiest people I have seen. Their enthusiasm was contagious and their laughter made the entire restaurant fill with glee. That’s who I wanted to be.

During my semi-crisis I had told a friend “I don’t mind growing old, I just mind growing ugly.” The Red Hat Society made me realize there is more to life than how you look. Start with a great sense of humor, find meaning to life, find things that are important to you, follow your passion, keep things out in front of you, ‘be cool’. Keep the sizzle in your love life.

That sounds all great but how? Let’s begin with not getting bogged down. It can drive you mad. There is not anything you can do—-the clock is ticking. If you live to be 90 years of age you are probably not going to be living alone in a beautiful apartment and driving your car to the grocery store or walking a mile every day. Accept this statement and you have begun your first step. You are in the process of being ‘born again,’ only this time not as a baby or as a Christian but as a Senior Citizen.

Phase two after your new birth is to get over the stereotypes about being old. It is not disgraceful to morn the lost of your beauty, but don’t be a mama cat trying to be a kitten. Find out what to expect for someone your age. A good source of information is on line at Web MD. Stay active with moderate exercise everyday. Don’t drift into isolation or bitterness as this will lead to depression. If you are going down, go down swinging. And by all means don’t focus on “what is not working.”

The famous psychologist Carl Yung said “humans are created with the longing for belonging which is found in a community. Consistently engage with others who are like-hearted, cultivating your vertical relationship with God and your horizontal relationship with others.

So I journey with rejoicing

Toward the city of God’s light,

While each day my joy is deeper,

And the pathway grows more bright.

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Reflections…………………………..Mental Health


“Hurry Gary, we have got to get this pie over to our new neighbor.” Pie in hand mama and I went to visit our new neighbor. Upon arrival our neighbor was most gracious and laughed when she told us she already had two pies given to her by other neighbors. After a short visit Mama familiarized her with the local churches and invited her and her husband to join us on Sunday for the services. As a young boy this community was a bedrock of Godliness.

I was saddened on my recent trips to the community, that I call home, by the wide spread prevalence of mental illness. I hasten to add the definition being used for mental illness is illegal drug use, alcoholism, and suicide. It appeared everyone I came in contact with knew someone taking illegal drugs. My immediate question is “why.”

My generation were people of faith. We accepted the miraculous, we acknowledged freedom in Christ, we experienced the forgiveness of sin and believed in supernatural healing. In this small community, and others, we look around us and see people, even believers, struggling with severe mental and drug issues. “What is going on?” It makes for awkward and limited conversation. Is it possible, “we are flying by the seat of our spiritual pants when help is needed?” Is it possible Rome is burning while we gather in our “holy huddles.” Could it be our faith is no longer public but contained within the walls of the church and has slowly stopped influencing out public spheres?

The church and the church family could and should be a center of help and information for persons suffering drug and mental issues. Pastors should have training in how to deal with these common mental health issues and maintain a current list of resources available for individuals in need. There should be a consortium of churches working together within the community and every congregation should know of the churches’ resources and outreach. It is the church that should lead the way moving beyond the whispering, the silence and the stigma associated with the problem.

For the local congregation, ministry to drug users and people with other mental illnesses will not be easy, quick or fashionable. It may not even be rewarding, but is right and fitting for people called to love as Jesus loves to serve and represent His healing grace.

The sectarian lifestyle has broken down the foundation of the community and excludes God’s creation from our service. Consequently many Christians have a tendency to curl up and moan. Our most articulate need is to keep putting forth arguments offering the position of God. What is happening will not go away. The public needs to hear the counter balance, i.e. The Truth.

Disciple: “but Jesus how will they know who we are?” “They will know us by our love for one another and the fruit we bear.”

…if you are thoughtless
…about the faithless
…you will be fruitless

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But daddy, you don’t understand!! People don’t do that anymore, that’s old fashion!! Sound familiar. What is happening?? It seems odd to think of parenting as a strategic ministry objective from God. What? Yes, you don’t have to go to a different part of the world to be a missionary. Parents and grandparents are statistically the most lasting influence on faith, which means our children need to hear the Good News from us on a regular basis. “……we go to church regularly. What more am I suppose to do.” The parent is the child’s first and most important teacher. If you don’t raise your children the culture will. It is an ongoing process and not a one day a week task.

According to a recent Barna Report on spiritual conversations in a digital age, children who grow up regularly talking about faith and seeing their parents integrate faith into everyday life are much more likely to continue being actively engaged in their faith as they grow older. In other words, parents who are eager to talk with their children about spiritual matters raise children who are likewise eager. While we often think of sharing faith as something we do with strangers or non-christian friends, some of the most significant and impactful conversations happen in the familiar context of home.

As of this writing I have spent the past week at “Grandparents Camp”(my definition). Five of our grandchildren, ages 3-12, spent the week with us. Early on I challenged anyone to go for a walk with granddaddy and I would treat them to breakfast at the college cafeteria. The walk is approximately two miles and I leave the house promptly at 6:30 a.m. Not expecting any “takers” I was delightfully surprise on the first morning when three eager grandchildren were dressed and ready to go at the designated time. Luke, age four, motor runs on ‘go’ all the time. He basically had to run the entire route due to the shortness of his legs. After making a short stop at the fitness center we headed for the cafeteria and breakfast. The cafeteria was fairly busy with students attending the various summer programs. Our table was surrounded with young adults and seminarians returning to the seminary for continuing education. As we were seated Luke asked if he could say “Our Father.” With my delightful blessing, Luke bowed his head with hands folded under his chin and began singing. “God, Our Father, God, Our Father, once again, once again, we bow our heads and thank you ,we bow our heads and thank you. Amen” The second day I joined with Luke and sang the prayer. The third day all the grandchildren joined with Luke in singing. As I turned to observe the people surrounding our table, many had stopped eating and in reverence waited until Luke finished.

On our way out of the Cafeteria a gentleman came over to me and made inquiry, “Are you a Priest?” My reply was, “No, I am a grandparent.”

In my early years, conversations about creation and righteous living were discussed in the context of God. The law of nature was a common thought and topic of discussion. As the father of three sons and nine grandchildren, with another on the way,  I am increasingly aware of rising secularism, and our view of everyday activities is cast outward. It is ‘out there.’ However, we must cast our view inward toward our own homes, understanding that discipleship begins right here, in mundane routines and familiar spaces. Which means each day, parents function as ministers and missionaries disciplining those to whom Christ has called us……our children.

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Reflections: ……… …………Birthday

School days, Jersey Elementary

Running barefooted in a newly-plowed field, hauling hay to the barn loft, picking cotton on a hot day, listening to the voices of friends and loved ones encouraging and serving as mentors, these behaviors are part of the growing life that I have enjoyed. Rushing across the screen of life is school, teachers, sports, special friends, events, and circumstances I hoped would never end. Wish as I may the road of life changes and gradually merges into another lane. In those early years, the Vietnam war rumbled, hippies rocked, Woodstock was a dairy farm and June and Gary were getting married. Off to Kalamazoo, Michigan—- is that really a town or a figment of my imagination? The Beatles came and went.  This culture faded like tie-dyed T- shirts but the Cokers were starting a new life.

The road signs for us changed from Kalamazoo, Chicago, Nashville, Demorest, Charlotte, Atlanta, and Sewanee, Tennessee . The billboards along the way consisted of three sons, three daughters-in-law and nine grandchildren.

Reflection has become one of my favorite and enjoyable pastimes.  As I celebrate another birthday the social media of Facebook and other technological advances make contact with friends easier  bringing to the forefront memories and an array of reflections. It is this process that produces mental gymnastics returning me to those earlier days, if only vicariously.  It is this type of experience for which I am extremely grateful and find myself guilty of riding down the road of life looking in the rear view mirror.  I wish I could have a giant ‘party’ with all the people who have crossed my path.  Suffice it to say,  I certainly have enough memories to last a life time.

left to right; Kerry, Kyle, Mom, Dad and Kris

As I look to the new year I do so with optimism and a sense of expectation.  I hope you will join with me as we travel the road of life, if only technologically. I will enjoy the ride and perchance if someway we could walk together that would be special.  I wish for you God’s richest blessings.

Thank you for the memories

“Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful”




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Reflections………………………………Book Review

via Reflections………………………………Book Review

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