Reflections………………………..Matrimony

It was a blustery, cold day with showers of snow in Demorest, Georgia, January 25, 1964.  The Great Room in Commons Hall had been dressed in gala wedding decorations.weddiing-prayer The students’ musical band had their instruments in readiness.   The cake was scheduled to arrive at the appointed time.  Families, college faculty and a large contingent of students made their way to the Federated Church located on the hill overlooking the college.  Today was special, June and Gary were getting married.  June, an urbanite from Massachusetts, and Gary from rural Georgia were from different geographical parts of the country and represented a blending of cultures.  Their courtship had begun with casual dating during Gary’s sophomore year and blossomed into the activities of this day.  52 years later with stops in Kalamazoo, Michigan, Nashville, Tennessee, Charlotte, North Carolina, Atlanta, Georgia, Greensboro, Georgia and Sewanee, Tennessee, the couple embrace retirement surrounded with the love of three boys, their wives and nine grandchildren.

June, Gary on back in woods

Owensboro, Kentucky 1967

The reporter, pad and pencil in hand, came for the interview with the topic of marriage and longevity.  The first question was a big one, “what are the top five characteristics you consider contributing to your 52 years of marriage?” My immediate response was, “only five?”  My next comment was, “can June and I just talk, and you listen?”  This was not foreign territory for the two of us.  On a frequent basis, early morning, at night, before going to bed or when there are issues needing addressing, we will laugh with each other and “call a committee meeting.”  With reservations we narrowed our thoughts to five.  Not in any particular order or hierarchy.

First, God centered.  Notice I did not say church or religion, but centered upon the teachings of God as revealed in the Bible. It is these teachings that serve as a baseline for everyday living. At times it has proven difficult and at times we have stumbled and fallen.  In these cases we bring ourselves back to the center.

June & Gary dressed for banquet

Atlanta, Georgia 2001

Second, be a cheerleader for your spouse.   Real early in our marriage we discovered that words out of the mouth cannot be taken back and can be  destructive to the relationship.  Being the cheerleader for your spouse presents positives and a strong foundation.  Never have a negative comment about your spouse, especially in public.

J&G walking on beach

Hilton Head Island, South Carolina 2009

Thirdly, Courtship.  What was it about your spouse that initially attracted you?  Was it the smile, that look, was it laughter,  enjoying each other’s company,  their attractiveness.  Whatever they were be sure to  keep those fires burning.

Fourthly, a cheerful heart is good medicine.  Often after observing a couple in a restaurant or in everyday life, my remark to June is “I am sure glad I married you.”  That comment is the direct result of observing what appears to be unhappy people. After  your spouse has been gone for the day or longer, greet him/her upon their arrival with cheerfulness.  Play together, laugh together, be a good listener, have fun.  Really work at not growing apart or letting something or someone have more of a prominent place in your marriage than your spouse.

Fifthly, Look forward.  Even though there are days we wish we could change some things that have happened in the past, there is a reason the rear view mirror is so small and the windshield is so big.  Where you are headed is more important than what you left behind.

IMG_2291

Hilton Head Island, South Carolina 2014

January 25, 2016

Fifty Two Years

About dgcoker.wordpress.com

Retired in 2008 after 40+ years in education/psychology as researcher, teacher, administrator and college professor.
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3 Responses to Reflections………………………..Matrimony

  1. srbottch says:

    Wow, 52 years….Wow! I remember the chilly day. An excellent ‘reflection’, some poignant ingredients for not just a lasting union, but a happy one. Congratulations on making it work.

    Like

  2. Joyce Ford says:

    Beautiful thoughts…I sure am glad the two of you were part of my life while you were in Charlotte. I think of you often and hope that we’ll be able to reconnect in the near future. Hugs & Love to both of you!

    Like

  3. Joy Motter says:

    You and Mrs. June made an indellible inpression on my life. I am forever changed for the good because of your personal investment in me! Congratulations on your 52 years!! Blessings! J♡Y

    Like

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